What Women Won’t Tell You

by The Asian Casanova on February 21, 2012

What Women Won’t Tell You

The other day I was lying in bed with my girlfriend when we had an interesting conversation. We were talking about relationships, when the topic of what we liked about each other came up. She was telling me how my dorkiness is what won her over. Some of you may think right now, “Aw, how cute!” This is a huge misconception! I was not the dork I turned out to be when I first met her, in fact, she was afraid I was the typical douche bag. I dressed like one with my leather-biker jacket, I walked like an asshole, and I “came on” to her like one. We grinded on the dance floor and made-out when we met.

But here’s the thing, it was some of the qualities of a douchebag that I portrayed that actually got her attracted in the first place, but it was my dorkiness that allowed her to trust me (also known as vulnerability. This is a big distinction. Some guys might hear a girl say something like what my girlfriend said and think, “Yeah! I’ll just be my dorky self, some girl will like me!” WRONG, what a girl says versus what she feels are completely different things.

To be blunt, if I acted like a dork and looked like a dork when she first meet me, she would have rejected me or at best, put me in the friend zone. In a way, it was my douchebagness that attracted her to me, but it was my dorkiness that allowed her to trust me.

So the first thing that women won’t tell you is that they are NOT attracted to nice guys. It’s as simple as that. They will tell you all day long that “I just want a nice guy,” but they always seem to end up with the douche bags or assholes. The, “be nice to her,” advice, is best if you want to be in her friend zone. But if you actually want to be with her in the sexual way, you have to show an edginess to yourself. You have to show the qualities of what makes a man attractive.

There are negative douche bag qualities and positive douche bag qualities, qualities like risk-taking, confidence, dominance, and leadership, versus negative qualities like controlling, narcissism, egocentric, selfish, and being inconsiderate. It’ll take a mammoth post to talk about that one subject alone. I’ll get to it in the near future, luckily for you ;)

Anyways, there is a another distinction to be made. If I was a guy that a girl is attracted to, but couldn’t trust, that would make me a douchebag. If I was a guy that a girl is attracted to, but CAN trust, then I become that knight in shining armor. But you do NOT want to be that nice guy, whom a girl can just trust, because then you just become the dorky friend. You need come off a little dangerous and mysterious, while also coming off nice and genuine. You don’t want to be a douchebag, but you don’t want to be a dork. By showing both sides you create a good middle-ground, a balance, that makes you an irresistible as a guy. You become that “hottie” that girls gossip about. Girls fall in love with these types of guys. Now you have to worry about girls marrying you!

Stay tuned, I’ll get into the details about how you can be attractive AND nice in later posts.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Errant Knight with Tissues June 11, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Your posts totally make sense dude, I’ll be following you from now on since I feel like that dork that ends up being the friend, aka Errant knight armed with a box of tissues when required, and believe me I’m sick of it. Keep up the good & well informed posts…


TheGirl June 25, 2011 at 10:22 pm

You got us all figured out ;) And the reason why we don’t just tell you guys this straight up? – Because we want smart guys who figure it out themselves.


The Asian Casanova June 26, 2011 at 1:44 am

Haha, I think you’re on to something ;)


Patty August 9, 2011 at 10:09 am

Now I’m like, well duh! Truly thnafkul for your help.


Alex January 24, 2012 at 7:58 pm

This is the difference between the honorable warrior and the bravado street thug. You are correct. There is a difference between positive and negative “douche bag qualities.” Though I think “nice” may not be the right choice of words. I think being nice just means you are civilized, reasonable, and honorable. The correct word you are looking for is “submissive.” In other words, women don’t want a “doormat” which makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. This confusion regarding the word “nice” is probably why a lot of guys end up behaving with the negative “douche bag qualities.”


The Asian Casanova January 28, 2012 at 2:33 am

You have a good point Alex.

It just happens that guys think they’re being “nice,” they’re really being a doormat.


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