How to Get Out of The Friend Zone

by The Asian Casanova on August 1, 2011

Start with this, but realize this alone won’t guarantee anything…….
Spend less time with her for a while. Allow her brain to lose some of the associations she has toward you.

When you do spend time with her start slowly treating her different. I don’t know how you act around her, but don’t laugh at what she says unless it’s truely funny. Don’t play therapist. If she talks to you about other guys, listen only mockingly. Make fun of her plight and never feel sorry for her on this kind of shit. Don’t be a shoulder to cry on.

What to Do to Get Out of The Friend Zone

After you have spent some time away from her come back and change the frame. You must realize that you can’t go at her afraid to lose. If you push the envelope with her you are running the risk of losing her for good. If you can’t handle that, then just stay in friend zone. At least she’ll be around??? FUCK THAT!!! Slowly go for it, but be willing to lose this girl. You obviously like her, so go for it. Win her? Great! She says no thanks? Fine, get away from her so she can’t effect you emotionally, but at least you can feel better inside knowing you took your best shot. Then move on.

Do talk to other girls while trying to get out of friend zone. Don’t set out to make her jealous, you are most likely not calibrated to do that without her knowing what you are trying to do. Just go game other girls and get more women in your life. Practice staying out of friend zone with new girls. See if this is an isolated situation or see if this is a reocurring theme.

As you get better you will fall into friend zone less and less. Now if I make a friend that’s a girl, it’s strategic. Pivot, fat girl with tons of hot friends, girl that I think is cool, but not attracted to. If I want a girl she may or may not date me, but she will not slot me in friend zone.

The reason you need to get away from her for a while is because it’s hard to change the frame from friend to sexual. It’s going backwards. To try and physically escalate her at this point will feel wierd to you and her. Time away will help remedy this, but may not change it. You seeing her after time has passed allows you to do several things. Next time you see her you can send mixed signals and set a new tone for kino escalation. The always there for her “buddy” is no more. You need to reemerge as a sexual guy who wants her, but doesn’t need her. You want her in a way that does not include shopping or hearing about her boy problems. If she doesn’t want you in the same way, then you have no use for her.

You won’t actually say the words from above, you will convey them. But, if you try to do that tomorrow without time passing, you will just look like you are trying to do something. Being reactive is not attractive.


Asian Casanova’s short term prescription:

Get the fuck away from her for a while. Don’t avoid her, but make yourself scarce, even if your dying to see her. Fuck that. Think long term not short term.

Go get a few other women in your life. Spend more and more time thinking about other girls and less putting this girl on a pedestal in your mind.

Come back in a few months with a different frame in mind. You are going to read magic bullets if you haven’t and start all over with this girl. No, you won’t run an opener, but you will start alllll over in attraction and run all the phases propperly this time. Usually when a guy falls into friend zone he started off in comfort instead of attraction and/or he didn’t escalate kino at all. You don’t have to escalate hard and fast, but you must kino or it’s off to the friend zone.

Becoming a more attractive guy overall and needing her less and less will help you become more attractive to her. Stop trying to be the perfect guy for “her.” Fuck the “how can I get her” mentality. Think I want to become more attractive to women in general.

Hope this helps. I think this will work its self out over time if you stick with learning all of this stuff. Realize there is no quick fix or line for your situation and eventually you are going to have to do what I said above and then come back and pull the fucking trigger and realize and be ok with the idea that you may lose her for good. But if you say, “I can’t risk that.” Just realize that you have already lost her to some other guy, she just hasn’t found him yet. When she does, he will expect her to remove you more and more as her friend and you won’t want to be there to watch her happily with Mr. Right anyway. So, take some time away and then come back and pull the trigger!!!!

You can do it man! Good luck.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

james September 10, 2011 at 5:45 pm

I had an experience where i was nervous on the first date, bought her strawberrys while i helped her by her phone on the 2nd where i negotiated a little for her as her english is rubbish and then after reciveing a message saying ‘r u ok’ thought i was in there so sent a wooful one back, then when speaking to her said h’hello linda’ (beautiful in portuguese as she understands, so she said isn’t a a bit early for that, basically I was in the friends zone now, I understand now why, I was too easy, too friendly and unrelaxed she said i was impatient, I wonder if thats really enough to get friendzoned for, regardles of the fact i’m handsome, have the same interests, cool enough, i spent the next few dates not knowing i was in the friendszone untill I said ‘ We should dance together sometime’ she says ‘which dance’ I’m like ‘tango’ she like ‘ thats too intimate ‘ me and you can’t be girlfriend and boyfriend’ I now know I should have said something clever, I said nothing, all I knew is I had been rejected and in my dissapointment she felt for me and hug me, truth is I didn’t want to really go out with her, she speaks little english which is what made jokes hard with her, also her to understand me. So 4 dates after being put in the friend box i don’t see her for a good few weeks and next time we meet, BOOM, we’re kissing on the dancefloor and she’s mine the next although apprehensive to carry kissing me but loves it too much.
So my initial reaction after later realising some guy took her to bed much quicker, plus she had 2 other guys, when she told me she was healing her heart, was a bash to my ego. I thought ‘ it took me 9 dates it took this guy 3 ) this was and by now she loves me, i didn’t even ask about the guy she just came out with it without realising what it really suggested.
So the reason I don’t feel good is because I have the package of attractors but couldn’t attract after the 4 dates after the friends zone placement, my question is how rigid is the friendzone frame, could I have been doing my job well but just it being too late ?? because I feel like its not real chemistry then as she has x’s on me, this is considering I have a attractive package for her, same interests, good looks, confident, charm, loving, money, well dressed, some humour and charisma, I’m like this other guys just done it plain sailing…. should I feel good or bad ?? if u could give me feedback that would be great, Asian Casanova, u sound like the top of your game, thx )….


The Asian Casanova September 10, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Hey James. Thank you for reading my blog, you will find a lot of valuable information here that will help you in your love life.

After reading your comment, I can understand your frustration. It is very painful to put yourself out there for a girl you like and not have that returned to you. Many guys suffer from this same fate, falling into the friend zone.

What is funny about traditional society’s doctrine of what makes a man attraction, is that it is very wrong.

Sexual attraction is completely about your confidence with your self and especially with you own sexuality. You are taught to not be sexual. You are taught to be nice, platonic, and gentlemen-like around girls. Girls are sexually attracted to guys who exude sexuality, not niceness or any of that lame crap.

Think rock stars, sweaty muscular athletes, or any guy that gets laid a lot.

Back to your question, the faster you escalate physically and sexually, the better… with any girl. The next time you interact with a girl you must set the frame of sexuality from first time you meet her. Be flirtatious. She needs to think of you and herself as a possibility right away.

The friend zone is very rigid, and is very difficult to get out of. What I talked about in this post addresses this issue. But ultimately you need to learn to be the kind of guy that doesn’t get stuck in the friend zone to begin with. Attractive sexy guys are never in danger of entering the friend zone.

Something to remember, she’s just ONE girl. Don’t get too caught up torturing your emotions over just one girl. Meet many girls, learn through the process and practice.


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